Healing Stitches

Dear Keeley 2016,

This year was a gut punch. I think that is probably the best way to describe it. A gut punch that left a gaping wound. You will try and mend this wound and feel hopeless when nothing seems to work. Your children and husband are your life-line, your friends bow with you, but the wound still aches.  But there is hope on the horizon. You feel lost and hopeless now, but in 2017, you will try so many new things and go to so many new places, each helping to stitch you back up as you go. You will go so many places in 2017 I can even make you a top ten list and you know how you love a top 10 list. So here goes.

Top Ten Adventurous Healing Places from 2017:

10. Mom's Closet(s)

I had no idea how pretty it was inside!

You will spend plenty of time this year cleaning out Mom's closets. You will discover that while she always joked Jim about have sooo many pairs of shoes, she was hiding a dark secret. As you clean out the long closet upstairs, you will discover that the woman had no less that 50 pairs of wedge flip flops. Every color you can imagine, in different levels of use. Some barely used. Some worn down. But none given to Goodwill. Why? Who knows? Why does one need 50 pairs of wedge flip flops? Only she can tell you, but it is funny.

The cedar closet downstairs is a different animal. While it is a small closet, you will pull out almost as many clothes from that closet as you did from the giant one upstairs. And you will also find some good steals. Meaning clothes you would have stolen from her anyway, or clothes you didn't know you would love until you tried them on. You hear her saying, "Try them on, Keeley" and you "lose air" as you always did, but you put them on, and she was right as she always was.  And she is with you again.



9. Camping at Kerr Lake

Yes, you heard that right. Real camping. As in, with tents and no electricity and sleeping on the ground with no bathroom and no shower. This is not (and never has been) your idea of fun, but since Sadie made the official decision to be potty trained, you figured what the hell? Sleeping was hot and uncomfortable, but it was something new. The kids found it amusing and took their sleeping bags to sleep in which was a terrible idea as they don't actually stay in one place on the air mattress. For future reference-only a sheet and air. We went with Josh and Amanda in the heat of August, but really, all told, the only issue was the red clay. It got everywhere. Oh, and since it is a state park, no beer. So...there's that.  But otherwise, tons of fun. We pulled the boat down there and being able to walk out from the campsite right into the water and right into the boat was pretty awesome. Your eyeballs were acclimating for surgery so wearing glasses on the boat was interesting. Blind swimming is something everyone should try once. Charlotte and David went fishing at the Dam with Uncle Josh...and caught nothing unfortunately. We cooked, we swam, we tubed, we had fun! At one point, you were swimming alone talking to Mom as you do sometimes and asked for a sign. A little while later, while out on the boat, an eagle followed overhead and flew close for the rest of the day and then landed in the trees right across from campground. A second eagle showed up soon after. If that was not a sign, I don't know what is, seeing that Mom was an Eagle for many, many years.

8. North Core Banks-Long Point Cabin
This was the initial camping adventure although it wasn't as "real" as the August trip. Over Spring Break we went with Eric and his crew to the Cape Lookout National Seashore. All the way to Long Point Cabin Camp. We took a ferry, riding in the truck with the whole family and every supply we could possibly need for a few days with only electricity and shelter in a hut with some bunk-beds, a stove, and a shower.  Once there, if you needed more food, beer, or emergency care, you were outta luck because you were on an island. Waiting for a Ferry. No stores, nothing but huts and trucks and beach.


Luckily for us, ideal weather blessed us that week. Perfect for spending the day on the beach, or swimming in the ocean for the kids. There is no temperature so far that I have seen that will keep a child out of the water. If it is there, they will conquer it. David and Charlotte spent some time fishing and caught some Bluefish. One day the tide was so low we walked clear across the island almost to the other side since the pools weren't there.

We sat around bonfires at night and roasted marshmallows until the sea put our fire out and then the air was too cool to stay outside for long, even if we were sandwiched between two huge trucks on the beach to keep the cold wind at bay.

The kids slept after long days in the sun, and so did you. You didn't stay up drinking, talking with the new people across the deck like your husband and Eric did. You are still not totally yourself, but you are trying. It's tiring, flip flopping between happiness and hopelessness.


7. The Bee and the Biscuit

When you decided to finally take a personal day after the stress of helping your students to pass the first SOL, you decided to try out this restaurant everyone had been talking about. It was in Pungo, a place you used to joke was a made up magical place with your students. But it isn't. It's very real. And it's spectacular. You had heard there was always a long wait to get in and waiting sucks, so you and David dropped the kids off at school and headed there early. No waiting, just heavenly bliss. The Eggs Benedict was divine and the biscuits, jelly, and honey were made by the hand of God.  David surprised you and Charlotte the first day of Christmas break with a second trip. Sadie went to preschool that day (because those saints were still open), but she can always come next time. This time Charlotte got pancakes and we got Sassy Bloody Mary's and, of course, biscuits.....yummm...

6. Mohonk Mountain House

So, instead of going to the Outer Banks this summer, we took a road trip to New York. The kids adore playing with their cousins and David's whole side of the family caravanned up to New Paltz to see Elizabeth and Carl. We hiked some serious trails (I mean, they were not so serious you couldn't wear flip flops, but they were pretty long) and some had swimming holes for the kids at the end. David and Charlotte went with Carl and the kids to camp for a few nights. It was much more comfortable and relaxing than the time in November where it was like 12 degrees and they almost froze to death, so there's that.

Gonna try not to hit this car
with a rocket... 

On July 4th, the neighbors set off fireworks. The entire neighborhood was there, adults, teens, children. All got a turn to shoot off the rockets. It seemed fun until a little later a few rogue fireworks hit some houses. It's all fun and games until you burn down someone's house.

But one of the coolest things the family did, after much frantic hurrying that morning, was to eat breakfast at the Mohonk Mountain House. This place is amazing and grand and glorious. One day when I'm rich, I want to stay for a week. After breakfast, we decided to hike again. And yet again, in flip flops. The goal was to get to the top to see this tower thing, I think it's Sky Top Tower. But the goal is to get up there. Carl and the more adventurous kids (as in, not my kids) went through the Lemon Squeezy route which I think could kill you, but who knows? Poor David pushed a stroller all the way up the mountain.

"The Last!"

Once we got to this tower, all I was able to see was King Haggard glaring down from the top of the tower saying, "I knew you were the last!" The castle tumbling around him as the unicorns are freed from the sea. For some reason I also started reciting "The Lady of Shalott" when Charlotte lay down on some stones with flowers on her chest. "There she weaves by night and day..."

But the funniest part of the entire day is when you, David, the kids and Hope decided to walk down the mountain. Well, it's a big mountain with a lot of trails and you are a Boyer, so you always take a wrong turn. I have no idea why the rest followed you, but you did come upon some really pretty lily pads which made you think of Kermit and the Rainbow Connection..."the lovers, the dreamers, and me." When you finally reached the bottom, you were all pretty much at the front gate, nowhere near where you should be, but Carl found you and you got back home. I think Daddy was more in charge of that adventure than Mom, which is why it was pretty hilarious.        

5. The Look

You finally find your girl. The girl who leaves no roots when you've just paid lots of money to have your roots covered up. The girl who can cut your hair so it just falls correctly. The girl who gives you wine while you are getting your hair done. The girl who can foil like the wind. This girl's name is Christy and she is a queen. I guess I should have listened to my sister-in-law every time she told me where she got her hair done because she has been going to Christy for years.

Randomly, I went to The Look for some waxing (also Rebecca is wonderful) and when they called me Amber, I said....OHHHHH this is the place...can I get my hair done too...by the same chick that does Amber's hair?? Oh, she owns the joint? Gotta wait a few weeks. Summer hair don't care.

Yes, yes, yes. Finally. It's not the same adventure as hiking or camping, but the piece of mind is worth every dime.

4. Kids Kollege

Sadie and Logan ACTING like
they are sad, singing "Cold in my Node
for Christmas" at the Christmas program. 

Listen, I know you are sad that Mum is not around to watch Sadie during the week and have the same relationship with her that she had with Charlotte. And then Nana retired. Yeah...that happened too in 2017. But it's ok. All of Sadie's friends (Vada and Kinley and Griffin) all have decided to go to Kids Kollege. This place is full of women who deserve sainthood. Especially Ms. Jane Ashley, the owner. After spending all summer (ALL SUMMER) day and night with both children who do NOT get along, you call Ms. Jane Ashley who told you there were no summer openings. You beg and cry and plead with her for reprieve and she says sure!! It's the last week and all Mommies need a break. Bring them on in so they can get used to it for free. For free. All week.

So because of this act of kindness, you cut them a break on the first day of school when it is insanity inside. Kids everywhere. Parents outside waiting to see their children get on the bus for the first day of school. You have no idea of the protocol for where or when to leave Sadie. Someone takes her and assures you she will be fine.

And she is. And she has learned so much. Bible verses. Bible songs. Numbers. Letters. She has made so many friends, especially Peyton or "Peyt" and she calls her. And the best part. Charlotte gets to go there too. To afterschool with her best friend, Addie. So, your heart feels sad that they can't be with Mum, but they are in a good place (Mum would still be jealous and want them with her-but that just makes you smile).

3. Beach Eye Care
For years, you toyed with the idea of Lasik. You hated contacts and glasses and going days not being able to see. So when your new girlfriend Alison tells you she went to the exact same eye care place and was told the exact same BS, and she got Lasik and loves it, you decide to do it. So many people you know have had it and aren't blind. You get recommendations, you call around, you get an appointment with the "new to the practice, not to Lasik" Doctor Levine and he convinces you to go forth and conquer. It is one of the best decisions you have ever made.

The surgery was so simple, it was unreal. You go sit in a chair for 10 minutes and they suction cup your eyes so you can't see the scary Clockwork Orange you were afraid to see. They laser cut you (I guess??) then they move you to another room, lay you down and make you sit perfectly still for 15 seconds per eye. A bit scary, but only because blindness seems to be a bit of a downer. You get to take an hour nap in a dark room, then they check you. Then you get to go home and are given ORDERS to take a two hour nap!! When you wake up, YOU CAN SEE!!! The time on the clock, the TV, all the things. Your near-sighted vision is kinda crazy for a few days, but it will be ok!!

Little by little it gets even better. Dry eyes are the only issue, but that is what drops are for. Best decision ever. Being able to see has amazing restorative properties.

2. Your "new" house
That's right, this house that once drove you crazy, is finally done. Well, we still need to lay tile in the bathrooms and install a few lights, but the major parts are done. No more plywood floors or useless rooms. It is all painted and updated and gorgeous. You LOVE your house now, inside and out.

David and Josh worked so hard on what you cannot even see in the walls and the lights. You finally have a study with a place for you to do work and for Charlotte to do homework. You have places for your BOOKS! They are not just stuck up in the room over the garage. You can look at them now. The floors...oh the floors are everything you ever wanted.

You still want more than anything for your mom to walk in the doors and tell you what she thinks about what you did. I am sure she would love the study. She always hated the useless living room. She would be proud of how you organized the pictures. Not having her to do that was the hardest part of setting up this room. Luckily, you have a good friend who has the same eye as Mom for organization. This house brings you peace now, not stress.

1. Jazzercise
So, maybe Lasik is the second-best decision you ever made. Taking your first Jazzercise class in March is the first sign of light, the first moment of euphoria you will feel since losing Mom. You have never, ever liked working out. It's boring. It's hard.  You tried running, but those earbuds just wouldn't stay in your ears and there's no one running with you. And where are you going? Treadmills don't work for you and the outside is full of excuses. Yoga stresses you out. The music is instrumental and sad. Plus, you really hate stretching. Biking...fun, but your kids refuse to get on a bike.The only workout you ever loved was Tae Bo. Ol' Billy Blanks. That was fun, but you would always mute the tape (yes, VHS) or DVD or even Youtube video and turn on your own music because that's what drives you, the music. And other humans you like.


So, on a random Facebook post, you see an offer for two free weeks of Jazzercise. You see the building on your way home from work everyday. Your neighbor does it and she has gotten super in shape. So you go on a Sunday, and even with that hangover, you are revitalized.  You are dancing. To modern music. Music on the radio now. The music you put on while doing Tae Bo. You are dancing and kicking and punching. And weights and abs and legs, oh my. You can't lift your arm the next day to do your mascara.

After the second class (a Strike Class) which is exactly like Tae Bo but with the good music, that was it. It made you happy. It stitched that hole a little bit every time. And the more amazing friends you met, the more amazing classes you took, the more challenges you faced, the better you felt.  Now you are addicted, but it's a good drug, a great cult to follow and be a part of. There are no mirrors surrounding you, just amazing women everywhere, laughing with you. Sometimes laughing at you, but there is laughter. And dancing. And you know how Mom loved to dance. She would have been laughing at you and showing you up, but the thought of that makes you smile even more.